This semester has been...different than I expected. I assumed I would come in to seminary and my whole world would be turned on its head. While I have definitely been encouraged by awesome professors and have learned a great deal, I don't feel like my whole worldview has been rocked (like it seems to be for some people).
Am I doing this seminary thing right?? I don't even know...
Flashback to September-I started off the semester still working two jobs, training for a triathlon, having a million wedding videos to edit (ok, maybe that's a slight exaggeration), jumping right into class, and eventually being slap worn out. So needless to say, September felt like the month from hell, and I am glad I made it through!
Here I am two months later, and now the pressures of next semester are beginning to set in.
Money and time. Can I just blame those two things on the Fall? Cause life is much easier when neither of those is a consideration.
But alas, they're still a reality, and I must make decisions based off of that fact.
Back to the idea that life is a delicate balance of wisdom and faith-it can be really hard to distinguish between my selfish desires and the Lord's leading. Then as a result of that, it affects how I pray because how do I boldly pray for something if I don't know if it's me being selfish or not?
I realized something else this morning as I was journaling. I don't doubt that God can provide for my finances next semester; I doubt that He will. That's silly, I know, but that's where I am. I've seen Him move in my life personally as well as friends' lives enough to know that He definitely can work in crazy, unexplainable ways.
As a result of this doubt, I find myself with a hindered faith. I don't want to pray or live that way. And maybe God's answer to my prayer won't look exactly how I want it to, but if my faith is truly unhindered, I will be ok with that.
So here's my prayer for myself and my encouragement to you:
Live/pray with an unhindered faith.
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