Unhindered Faith

This semester has been...different than I expected. I assumed I would come in to seminary and my whole world would be turned on its head. While I have definitely been encouraged by awesome professors and have learned a great deal, I don't feel like my whole worldview has been rocked (like it seems to be for some people). 

Am I doing this seminary thing right?? I don't even know...

Flashback to September-I started off the semester still working two jobs, training for a triathlon, having a million wedding videos to edit (ok, maybe that's a slight exaggeration), jumping right into class, and eventually being slap worn out. So needless to say, September felt like the month from hell, and I am glad I made it through!

Here I am two months later, and now the pressures of next semester are beginning to set in.

Money and time. Can I just blame those two things on the Fall? Cause life is much easier when neither of those is a consideration. 

But alas, they're still a reality, and I must make decisions based off of that fact. 

Back to the idea that life is a delicate balance of wisdom and faith-it can be really hard to distinguish between my selfish desires and the Lord's leading. Then as a result of that, it affects how I pray because how do I boldly pray for something if I don't know if it's me being selfish or not?

I realized something else this morning as I was journaling. I don't doubt that God can provide for my finances next semester; I doubt that He will. That's silly, I know, but that's where I am. I've seen Him move in my life personally as well as friends' lives enough to know that He definitely can work in crazy, unexplainable ways.

As a result of this doubt, I find myself with a hindered faith. I don't want to pray or live that way. And maybe God's answer to my prayer won't look exactly how I want it to, but if my faith is truly unhindered, I will be ok with that. 

So here's my prayer for myself and my encouragement to you:

Live/pray with an unhindered faith.

Mid-Year Check In

Everybody always gets so excited about setting resolutions at the beginning of the new year, but how often do we keep up with those?

Well, here I am checking in at the halfway point (ok fine, it's a little after halfway...you get the point).

This was the list I came up with:

Finish paying off my student loans

I did this!! 9 months and a TON of work hours later...I'M DONE!!!

(Oh, and I got a nose ring...)

Memorize Romans 8 and Philippians 4

Unfortunately, I have not been as good at this as I have wanted to be. I have the first few verses of Romans 8 memorized, but I haven't made much more progress on Philippians 4 than what I already had memorized.

Get plugged into a church in Dallas

YES, I am currently attending Gracehill Community. I have had the privilege of getting to know the preacher's daughters a little better too, which has been fun. PKs unite! haha.

Figure out what the heck I am supposed to do for my taxes (time to put on my big girl panties, ughhhhh)

Gosh, this one was a pain, but I did it! My dad helped me check and double check and correct a million times, but overall, I DID MY OWN TAXES!

Start keeping a budget instead of just spending money whenever I have it

Ummmmm. Ok, still working on this one for sure.

Keep receipts for Catchlight [by Courtney.] for travel expenses

Doing better! I still need to print out some digital receipts to catch up, but then I should be good. 

Don't get overwhelmed or cynical by everyone getting engaged/married around me, but continue in prayer for those couples and be happy for them

I'm actually proud of myself on this one. Granted, I will still scroll through my Facebook occasionally and say, "Oh, more engagements and babies." But in general, I feel like my heart is in a good place. The Lord has done some cool things with my heart this past year. 

Don't rush into a relationship because of loneliness

Ha. Nope, definitely haven't done this! I have gotten to jam out to Beyoncé's "Single Ladies" at every wedding reception I've attended this summer. 

Intentionally love on the people around me (either by texts or letters or hanging out)

I would like to think I'm doing pretty good at this one. Although I never got around to mailing a couple of letters that I meant to send....whoops. Just gotta be more intentional in some areas.

Find a resolution accountability partner-someone who is going to check up on me and will make sure I'm sticking to the goals I set

Lauren Kirkpatrick has taken on this role, and I'm so grateful she has. Every once in a while she'll say, "So how's your list coming," and it's always a nice kick in the pants. Accountability is awesome. 

So here's a to strong second half of the year!!!

Why I'm STILL wearing my purity ring

Here's my purity ring. It's a little beaten up and scratched, but that's because I've been wearing it since my parents gave it to me for my 16th birthday. I wear it on my left ring finger, so people often ask me if I'm married. I simply respond with, "No, it's a purity ring," and they are usually surprised or encouraged because it's not often that you hear a single, 23-year-old woman talk about purity. 

There seems to be a trend in Christian culture that is revolting against Christian culture itself (does that mean they're Christian hipsters?...anyways, different discussion). Now, there are some parts of Christian culture that may deserve to be revolted against, but I think we have to be careful in how we broach the subject because too often the pendulum just swings in the other direction. 

You can disagree, but I think some things in Christian culture (like wearing purity rings, which swimsuits we buy, what time of the day I do my devotional, etc.) come down to where your heart is. The truths in the Bible will remain the same, but the Lord can convict us all on different levels about different things. 

I've seen several girls write blog posts about taking off their purity rings and their reasonings behind it. Granted, some of their points are valid, but I believe there are still valid points on both sides.

For instance, I'm not just wearing my ring until the man of my dreams comes to sweep me off my feet and replace my purity ring with a big ol' rock, so we can dance to "God Gave Me You" at the reception. And some girls have struggled that-the idea that life begins after you get married. 

I'm not wearing my purity ring as a place holder in my life until a man comes in to complete me. 

Some people relate to this in other ways. Maybe they are waiting to get their dream job or have kids or own their own house or be financially independent. Whatever it is that you're waiting for or striving towards, know that your life has already begun. There are beautiful things and people around you, so begin to appreciate those instead of just always living in the future and therefore missing out on the present. (Ok, soapbox moment is done...)

Back to the purity rings. I also don't wear it as a symbol of being holier-than-thou. Yes, it is an outward symbol to the world that I am making a very conscious decision to save sex for marriage, but that doesn't mean that I am automatically full of disdain for people that have not made that decision. It is a personal decision I have made off of my religious beliefs. 

So I'm not saying that every Christian girl should run to the nearest James Avery store and pick up a purity ring because you're not being a good witness if you don't. But I'm also not saying that every girl that has one should take it off because you are wrongly motivated in wearing it. Like I've said before, it's time for an evaluation of our hearts. 

Is having a purity ring (or any other religious symbol....WWJD bracelets, anybody?) becoming a stumbling block of pride? Then maybe it's time to take it off but just continue with your commitment in a more private manner. Is it something that serves as a humble reminder of a decision that you've committed to? Then leave it on and continue to stand strong. 

It's all about balance. A pendulum going too far in either direction can be dangerous. 

Laughter

Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 says-"For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven: [...] a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance"

Yes, there will be times of weeping and mourning, but there will also be times of laughing and dancing. How often we get caught up in moping over the negative things in life rather than celebrate the small, fun things. Laughing with friends and family is actually one of my favorite things to do because it can completely turn your day around.

A few of you may know that I keep a "quotes list" simply for the fact of reminiscing through the past and remembering the good times. It was funny because in college, it became a "thing" to make the quotes list (and I'm glad my friends got so on board with it!) :]

Some of these may be funny to you because you were there, and some may or may not be funny because you have absolutely NO context of what the heck is going on. Either way, enjoy! 

[These are all from summer of 2013-winter of 2014]:

Mama, Daddy wants to take you on a date to the gas station. -Nathan

This was definitely the trippiest 4/20 I've ever experienced. -me
   I don't even remember what I did...oh wait! That sounds bad! -Holly

Me llamo grande. -Killa

What better way to minister than to be in shape? -JT

I have an idea, Shay. Wait no, it was selfish. It was a bad idea after I thought about it. -Killa

   Let's hear it. -Holly

Ok, I wanted to take a picture of me in the water acting like a model. -Killa

THAT'S where I want to go! -Holly

   Where? France? -me

No, TJMAXX. -Holly

I think he thought I was flirting, but that was my I-need-more-water look. -me

I just have to say, I absolutely love Luke Bryan. I'm so glad he's from Georgia. Makes me Georgia proud. -Mama

It takes 25 days to get something to California?! -Sarah Cavazos

   Gosh, they're not riding the pony express anymore! -Lauren Paxton

It's ok, I'm embracing it because the BET awards are today. -Killa

(about the possibility of it raining during the Peachtree Road Race) It's gunna be fun. It'll be an uphill Slip-n-Slide the whole time. -Branny

You know, if you notice when there's a full moon, there's twice as many squirrels dead in the road. -Nana

(after our paint party for Nikki) I really have to pee. -me

   You're gunna urinate rainbows. -Barge

Do y'all ever agree on anything? -Aunt Laura

   Yeah, if we're all right. -Daddy

In any language, a spanking works. -Mama

I could fart anytime I wanted, especially around these geysers. No one would be the wiser. -Nathan

Georgia is your home, don't ever forget that. Texas is ok...at least they're Republican and believe in guns. -Branny

You're so funny it ain't even right! -Ansley

   You can just call me lefty! -me

I don't think I'm strong enough to serve ice cream. -Allie K.

I can see you marrying an Indian. Ramesh and Courtney forever. -LK

I'm gunna do a twit. Wait, let me rephrase that. -Ansley

You didn't even go to Georgia Bulldog University! -LK

My day was made because I didn't have needle nose pliers, and I found some on the street! -Mr. Greg

I thought my dad was just getting old, but his older siblings are just fine! -Jilly

Is guacamole an open invitation, Courtney? -LK

Preschool is my birth control. -Jilly

   PumpItUp was our birth control. -LK

Not having sex is mine. -Sara Beth

These tweezers are made in China....what the heck?? We couldn't even make a pair of tweezers? -Jonathan G

(About makeup) It's fun! It's like color correction for your face! -Rosalee

Maulk and frookies

Oh nice, Daniel. I didn't know you knew that trick (squeezing icing out of a Ziploc bag). -LK

   Well, I WAS homeschooled. -Daniel

So they're just headphones for $200?? They don't come with music already in them? -Stephanie B.

(About Tommy Boy) Oh, $3.99?? It's worth twice that! -Mr. Greg

You've probably got the best radio system out here. -Drew

   Well, this guy might can compete. What does he have in the back there? Oh...groceries. 

-Daniel

They don't hire anybody but cute people for this show (PLL). -me

   The word is hot. -Daniel

Cute just doesn't cut it. Cute gets killed. -Drew

"And then I got skinny." That's a thing you'll hear few Burkes say. -Gage

My church is nondeminsional. -Aldo 

Fit people problems..."Oh, my awesome muscles are sore." And THAT'S why I don't work out. -Jordan Parker

So does the Bible study fast include only having 7 boyfriends? -Jordan P

Isn't the spleen in your leg? Oh wait...that's the shin. -Ashley

I think I pulled a muscle in my shoulder yesterday sealing envelopes. -Brandon G

What was that rich movie that he made? -Erin

   Richie Rich. -me, LK, and Christian 

My snapchats are just me in the shower drinking beer. -Cameron Ray

I need more vinegar. I want to become a pickle myself. -Ryan H

Oh, people still smoke cigarettes at Apple. -me

   Like real cigarettes? They don't have iSmokes? -Jonathan

Mother Nature...she's a woman. That's why she keeps changing her mind. -Jonathan

Men decorating the Table Podcast leads to two women at Lowe's looking for Velcro...shoulda let us help in the first place. -Ashley

But I don't think he actually likes me. I just have to talk him into it. -LK

So she planted a garden, recycled, drove only one car...-Jilly

   I cut down a tree! -Ana

That's kind of the opposite...-Jilly

You've never struck me as a tomboy. -Ryan H

   I LOVE tennis shoes. -Ashley

Oh, Spirit is an airline? I thought it was some Christian joke. -Bethany

You can't have such high expectations! It's a PC!! -Daniel (yes, he really said this)

(About Mark Cuban) He's still in a fraternity. -Daniel

   Yeah, it's called a country club. -David

Do y'all have enough air back there? -Nancy

   Yeah, we're good. It's like a tornado. -Jonathan

What, are they just bored and type in "country girl?" That's like me searching #mexican. 

-Ansley

If Justin is dating a girl who doesn't like tattoos, just send her my way. -Branny

Oh Craig and his list. -Steph
   Angie has a list too. -Jessica
Yeah but you have to payyyyy to see Angie's list. -Steph
   Just like a woman...-Erin

Hashtags don't make sense to me. I could use a hashtag, and nobody would ever know it. 
-Mr. Greg


I think I accidentally painted marijuana. -Jilly


I'm taking swimming classes in the fall cause I don't know how to swim. That's false-I was a lifeguard for two summers. -David


I need to STOP getting emails from Bloomingdale's. -Daniel


Crap, I didn't realize raspberry tea was sweet! -Daniel
   You should get some! -SB
No, I'm trying to...-Daniel
   ...watch your figure with a calzone?? -David


I have impeccable, spacial estimation. -SB


Muhammad O'Lady -Daniel


Ahhh! -David
   What? -me
Nothing. You'll find out soon enough. And it'll be funny. -David
   It's a fart. -SB


Wipe in, wipe out. See these cat-like reflections? -Greg


I've gotta stop buying peanut butter that requires you to stir it. This is so freaking annoying. 
-Jonathan Galloway


I'm actually missing Taco Joint...it's a strange sensation. -Caroline


Mmm Chick-Fil-A...good, home-cooking. -Caroline
   ....you know you're from Georgia when...-me


Most of my quotes will probably be about food. -Caroline


If you were a murderer, what would be your method of choice? -Ashley
   My good looks. -JGally

Thanks to everybody who joined in on the memories and helped make me laugh! Obviously some of them had to be edited down in order to share on the Internet, so don't be offended if you weren't included in this list. Love y'all! :]

Patience

Ok, let me give you a little backstory. In college, our activities board hosted random things for the students to do on campus. One of those activities was making stuffed animals (kind of like Build-a-Bear) as a remembrance of our childhood as well as a stress reliever. 

[Yes, we were college students, but sometimes you just need the comfort of a stuffed animal...]

So I picked a white rabbit as my stuffed animal. When I was trying to decide what to name it, I was apparently struggling with patience (who knew), so I creatively named her Patience. 

Fast forward to when Holly Curry was spending the night with me in my dorm room junior year. We would drag my futon mattress into my room, so one of us could sleep on the bed and one on the futon mattress. While I can't recall the story exactly, I'm pretty sure as we were up late talking, and at one point I asked Holly to toss Patience to me. 

I'm sitting on the futon mattress in the dark, just waiting for Holly to hand it to me. Next thing I know, I'm being smacked in the face with a stuffed bunny. 

Needless to say, I didn't really think that one through :]

Anyways, after we had a good laugh about it, Holly responds with, "Then Patience hit ya like a bunny in the dark."

I say all of that to lay out how I'm feeling-sometimes patience just hits me like a bunny in the dark....

Even if patience is something I know I need or want, the delivery of it doesn't always feel good. Patience isn't something we just acquire; it's more like an on-the-job-training situation. 

[Photo credit: www.deathtothestockphoto.com]

This past year has been so awesome, and I can't believe it's already been a year since I've graduated college (but at the same time that it's only been a year....my how time flies). Thinking back to my life this time a year ago, I was soooooo stressed about what I would do for a job. Fortunately, the Lord has blessed me with TWO great jobs, and I am almost done paying off my student loans (can I get an AMEN??). 

Even with those two jobs and things going seemingly well, I am still at a loss for where I want to go next. The planning side of me has been freaking out the past few months, but it has been growing me in all kinds of new ways when it comes to trusting the Lord. 

So my future is still about as clear as mud, but I'm learning to take it one step at a time because that's all I can do right now. I know that the Lord has placed dreams on my heart for a reason, and in due time, He will make it clear as to how those dreams will come to fruition. 

Patience has indeed hit me like a bunny in the dark, but I am learning to embrace it because one the lights are turned on the the whole plan is eventually revealed, I know it will have been worth the wait.

Pink Daisies

It feels good to be dating again, especially when your ex has so clearly moved on. It's just refreshing to have a guy that is genuinely interested in getting to know you. And I think I've matured in how I'm handling relationships as well. For instance, I am excited to be hanging out and texting and going on dates, but I'm not on Pinterest planning my wedding with this guy. 

It's just refreshing. 

Through this process, I've learned a lot about my past relationships. For instance, dating your best friend is really awesome, but there probably needs to be some boundaries. And I know, I've made all of the excuses of why it doesn't matter that you pour your whole heart out to a best guy friend, but then again, I'm the one sitting here speaking from experience of how bad the aftermath can be. So be wise, ladies (and gentlemen). 

It's hard when you have shared EVERYTHING pretty much with that best guy or girl friend then y'all decide to date because there is a certain level of intrigue that is lost. Why would he need to take me on special dates to get to know me if he already knows everything? Why would he need to try and impress me when we're best friends, and he knows I'll be there for him through thick and thin. It's harder to walk away from your best friend than it is to walk away from a weird stranger that we would deem as inconsiderate. 

What's the phrase? Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? Exactly. 

Will he be the one I end up with? I have no idea. Obviously there'd have to be a chance for me to consider dating him, but I'm not trying to figure out if he's "the one" based off of our first meal together. If it turns out that he is, awesome. If it turns out he's not, awesome. The Lord still had some sort of plan through it all. I'm learning and growing and having fun, so it's about time that I just sit back and enjoy the journey. 

And the Lord has been growing me spiritually too, of course. When I was at Shorter, my college pastor taught the leadership team about a thing called Healing Prayer (by Leanne Payne). It's essentially the practice of visualizing your prayers in order to give things over to the Lord, and it has been a powerful tool in my life. So I'm gunna be very vulnerable and give y'all a peek into one of my prayers. 

The setting: We're in a garden with tall hedges (over 7" tall) with a fountain in the middle. There are some benches near the fountain, and that is where Jesus is waiting for me. He is donning traditional Jewish clothing, and he has shaggy brown hair. There is a break in the hedges in the NE corner, which is where I enter from. 

Cue my entrance. I walk towards Jesus, who is seated on the bench near the fountain and give him a hug before I sit down next to Him. 

So first things first-I need to personify whatever it is I'm trying to give the Lord. In this case, it's a relationship. In my mind, I personified this as my cell phone with "the guy's" picture filling the screen (we like to text and talk on the phone).  

Next, I have to give it to the Lord and see what He does with it. I hand Jesus the phone, which He proceeds to answer with a "Hello? Yeah, hold on a second," and then He sets the phone down on the bench behind Him. To me, this symbolizes that He isn't telling me to flee from this guy, but rather I have to be patient to see what will come next. 

*side note-If I'm being even more honest, I have been afraid to give this whole situation over to the Lord until a couple of days ago because I assumed that if I gave it to Him, He would take it away. And obviously I didn't want that. So needless to say, it was a relief that He didn't take the phone and chunk it across the room when I handed it to Him.*

The next part is my favorite part. After you see what the Lord does with what you give Him and what that symbolizes, you're supposed to see what He gives you in return. In return, He gave me a pink daisy with a yellow center. 

This symbolized how a garden has to be rended to in order to maintain it's beauty. In many ways, I'm treading new waters with this whole relationship deal. Yes, I've dated people before, but the Lord doesn't want me to use that confidence as a false sense of security in this case. I have to continually trust Him, and it can be something beautiful. 

Tell me if you've ever been guilty of this too-when it comes to relationships, we want to know. "God, is he 'the one?'" Sure, we'll trust him with the relationship, but I just need to know if I'm dating the right person (and I use "trust" loosely). It's like asking the see the finished puzzle then saying that we'll trust Him to make it however He wants...as long as it conforms to the finished product we have in our head. What?? That's not how God works. 

So here's to trusting Him with the whole puzzle. 

The Struggle is Real

I talked with a friend the other day, and he said he didn't feel worthy to be a leader in the youth group. I think we all feel that way sometimes-we have people that look up to us, but we're not quite sure why. Is my life even worth looking up to? I'm still human, after all. 

But at what point do I say, my identity is in Christ therefore I AM worthy? 

When I want to be angry and hurt and bitter and insecure (basically, when I want to have a completely human reaction to crap that happens in life), I have a heavenly Father that says I am worthy. 

I. Am. Worthy.

Yes, we need to examine our hearts and try to live our lives how God intended, but we are all human. Being a Christian does not mean you're perfect, and messing up and having real struggles does not mean you're a failure. 

If we could do this on our own, we wouldn't need Christ. 

Being a Christian is less about doing all of the right things and more about admitting that we can't and fully relying on Christ. From that reliance comes a strength to continue to follow Christ, a strength to make the right decisions, even when it's not easy. 

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I am weak, but I am worthy. 

Grateful

I'll admit that recently I've felt like I have been settling into this pattern of life-wake up early and go to the gym (or sleep in and not go to the gym), head to DTS until 2:30, drive over to Apple to work until 9 or 10:00, go home, pack my lunch and dinner for the next day, sleep, and repeat. 

As I described my current spiritual status to a friend, I feel like I'm treading water. I'm not swimming laps and making all of this progress, but at the same time, I'm not drowning. Me and Jesus are good; I just wish we were better. 

But I think that desire comes from living in our society - if we're not "feeling" super spiritual, then something must be wrong. I don't necessarily think that's the case. Yes, I would love to feel on fire for the Lord again, but in the meantime, I will still praise His name and trust in His plans.

In the act of choosing joy in the midst of the bland, I am gunna share some beautiful little moments that the Lord has blessed me with recently:

• My mom having multiple days of school cancelled last week, and me being able to call her at any point in the day and be able to talk to her
• Getting to ride 12 miles around White Rock Lake with two of my great friends
• Laying on a couch with the balcony door opening, simply enjoying the gorgeous weather and the company of sweet friends
• Did I mention this GORGEOUS weather??
• Feeling butterflies in my stomach and blushing because I have an excuse to
• Catching up with my favorite first cousin (Ansley, that's you, sweetie haha)
• Crashing my coworkers cubicle and spilling my life to her
• Actually being at home the same time as my roommate and getting to spend sweet time with her
• Tasting the beginning of moving on
• Counting my blessings of all the awesome coworkers I have period (both jobs)

So I may feel like I'm just treading water, but I am surrounded by beautiful things. I just have to take the time to notice them. 

Scraped Palms

I've been running in circles,
But I can't seem to break the pattern. 
I grow tired of the scenery,
Yet I can't peel my eyes away.
In a moment of distraction,
I lose my footing,
And my palms are scraped from breaking my fall.
I consider remaining on the ground
And taking a break from it all.
Then I realize how counterproductive that would be.
Do I really want to sit in the midst of that which I am trying to escape?
No.
I pick myself up
And continue on.
I brush off my hands
And have to realize that my wounds will not heal immediately. 
I lift my eyes
In hopes of finding a new path in front of me,
Knowing it will come it due time.
While this circular path is growing old, and a bit tiresome,
I still notice new things each time around.
The scrapes on my hands sting.
My lungs burn with every breath,
And my feet pound with every step.
As I push on,
My mind and body are learning endurance, if nothing else.
Endurance and perseverance. 

Finding Rest

It's hard to work 50-60 hours a week and still maintain a good workout schedule and some semblance of a social life, not to mention my spiritual life. November was good, as was most of December.

But then Christmastime came. It seemed like I was working and traveling and working some more. That's when I realized that I'm tired. My body just can't keep up the pace that I could those first couple of months of working two jobs. 

I have forgotten was rest looks like. 

Rest (for me) looks like taking off of work on Thursdays, so that I can have at least one day a week to just spend time with the Lord, rejuvenate, and catch up on all my TV shows I've missed during the week. As the weather gets better, I will be doing my devotionals outside in my hammock again. So Thursdays are becoming my "sabbath." 

One verse that always stands out to me is in Mark 6:31, which says, "Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, He said to them, 'Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest'" (NIV). 

Basically, the disciples were all excited about what the Lord had been doing through them. In the midst of everything going on, the disciples didn't even get a chance to eat, so Jesus told them to retreat with Him to a quiet place and rest. 

Did you hear that? Jesus told them to rest. It wasn't a question. 

The disciples hopped on a boat to head to get some rest. On the other side of the Sea of Galilee, there was a crowd of over 5,000 people waiting to hear or see or touch Jesus. Granted, the disciples might not have gotten as much rest as they wanted, but once they took a little time to themselves, the Lord continued to use them in powerful ways as they helped pass out food to 5,000+ men, women, and children. 

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in always going going going that I don't give myself a chance to rest. If I'm spending all of my time working hard and loving people, that means I'm being effective, right? 

Wrong. 

If we are constantly pouring out into other people and things, we will quickly get drained. David had something to say about that in Psalm 23:1-6 "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows" (ESV).

Don't just skim over that passage because you grew up hearing it in Sunday school. Read over it one more time (for real, it's right there-just go do it.)

The Lord makes me lie down-that would imply rest. It's in those moments of rest that He restores our souls. Our God is so good. If we rest in Him, He will show us how to live righteously, we don't have to fear evil, we will be comforted, and we will be filled to the point of overflowing. 

It's out of that overflow that we are able to serve effectively (because it's Christ through us, not our own talent and ability).

I'm not Superwoman, but I'm not supposed to be either. While no one ever told me I had to be, I placed that burden on myself. I have this mindset of, "Let's work as hard as I can to work   to pay of my student loans and hopefully start saving for some better camera equipment." But that doesn't need to be done right. this. moment. And I need to be ok with that. 

So I'm going to take my Thursdays off and use that as a time of connection with the Lord and rejuvenation. 

PS-Can spring weather get here because I am ready to hammock and not freeze my butt off!!

2014

Yes, it's January 2nd, but I honestly have not even had time to think about my New Year's resolutions until now. Knowing that everybody gets sooooo excited about the new year, makes a ton a resolutions, and inevitably fails to maintain those resolutions throughout the year almost turns me off from making New Year's resolutions at all. I don't want to be one of those people that stops going to the gym in March. 

But I heard a pastor say that the new year is a time of "natural transition," so taking this time to make resolutions is instinctive. After all, we are the only ones responsible for whether or not we stick to those resolutions.

I obviously know what I resolution is, but I wanted to get more to the root of the word becaues so often we take that word lightly. So here goes: 

 re·solve

  verb (used with object)

  to come to a definite or earnest decision

And I love the word "earnest," so I looked that up too:

    ear·nest     

        adjective

        serious in intention, purpose, or effort; sincerely zealous

Oh, "zealous"-that's another good word!

              zeal·ous

    adjective

              ardently active, devoted, or diligent

                  Synonyms: enthusiastic,eager, fervid, fervent, intense, passionate, warm. 

                  Antonyms: apathetic; lackadaisical.

When you bring all of those definitions together, you get that a resolution is to resolve to do something, which means to make a decision to sincerely be devoted or diligent to something. Those are a lot of strong words. It's not just, "Hey, it's New Year's! Let's think of some fun things to do until I get tired of doing them." 

So this year I am choosing to make resolutions that I can (and will) accomplish. That's how my dad always taught us to do our resolutions. He said to make sure they are: 

• attainable (obviously I'm not going to resolve to make a million dollars this year-that just ain't happenin')

• measurable (I can say "I want to be more awesome this year"-how would you know if I was or not?? You can't measure that...)

• realistic (I may want to memorize Scripture, and although memorizing the entire Bible is attainable, it's not very realistic for me. That's when you just have to scale things back a little bit)

With this in mind, I shall begin my resolutions list.

• Finish paying off my student loans
• Memorize Romans 8 and Philippians 4
• Get plugged into a church in Dallas
• Figure out what the heck I am supposed to do for my taxes (time to put on my big girl panties, ughhhhh)
• Start keeping a budget instead of just spending money whenever I have it
• Keep receipts for Catchlight [by Courtney.] for travel expenses
• Don't get overwhelmed or cynical by everyone getting engaged/married around me, but continue in prayer for those couples and be happy for them
• Don't rush into a relationship because of loneliness
• Intentionally love on the people around me (either by texts or letters or hanging out)
• Find a resolution accountability partner-someone who is going to check up on me and will make sure I'm sticking to the goals I set

2013 was full of adventure, so I can't wait for this next year. 

Let 2014 begin!!