A Lasting Impact

I found out today that Nelson Mandela died today at the age of 95. He accomplished great things and left a huge mark on this world. 

As I was reading an article on the Chicago Tribune about his life and death, I saw a link to another article entitled "Notable Deaths of 2013." Here are just a few of the names on that list:

• Nelson Mandela (former president of South Africa and anti-apartheid leader)
• Paul Walker (the really attractive guy from the Fast and Furious movies)
• Tom Clancy (novelist)
• Hiroshi Yamauchi (creator of Nintendo)
• Lee Thompson Young (actor on Rizzoli and Isles/the main character on Jett Jackson)
• David "Kidd" Kraddick (host of radio show Kidd Kraddick in the Morning)
• Cory Monteith (main actor on Glee)

These men have accomplished things with politics, technology, Hollywood, media...They are all on there for unique reasons. 

There were over 70 names on the list, and as I went down the list it dawned on me that I will probably never be on one of those lists. I will probably never accomplish something so huge that the Chicago Tribune will put me on a list of notable deaths.The world may not remember my legacy after I die.

And that's ok with me. I don't need my name in lights or in the paper or all over the tv. 

Now don't get me wrong-that doesn't mean that I don't want to accomplish big things.
I want the Lord to use me in whatever ways He chooses. I do want to make a lasting impact.

That can look like many different things. It can be leading a missions organization. It can be starting an orphanage. It can be advocating for a cause. It can be volunteering at church. It can be leading a bible study. It can be teaching at a school or befriending a coworker. It can be loving the children/spouse/friends that God has blessed you with.
It can be doing anything anywhere God has placed you.

It can even be as simple as investing in one person's life. 

Even that can make a huge, long-lasting impact. The key is to remember these things when Satan tries to tell us that we're not enough, when he says our time and energy spent for the Lord are being wasted. Let's stay strong and continue to making lasting impacts on the lives around us, whatever that may look like.

Facing the Funk

I have been in some weird funk these past couple of weeks. People would ask if I was ok, and I honestly couldn't even tell them what was wrong or what was really bothering me. It's not that I didn't want to; I just couldn't put my finger on it.
As the answer continued to allude me, I resigned to just ride the funk out. Eventually things would get better, right? Wrong.

On Sunday, Sara Beth came up to me and asked what was wrong. I think it was a combination of her being intentional and me being at my breaking point that allowed me to finally open up and be real with myself (because I had plenty of other great friends check up on me too but to no avail). 

I told her about everything that was on my heart and mind-being overwhelmed with starting a new job, trying to keep up with work at my first job, missing church for a few weeks in a row because of training, my brother being sent off to basic training and me not being there, potentially not getting to see my family at Christmas, boys (when is there NOT something to do with boys?!), me not having a desire to get in the Word, and just being exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally. 

As my words and tears began to flow forth, she leaned over and prayed for me, and even though I had done absolutely nothing different, I felt a freeing sensation come wash over me.

The Lord knew (and knows) my heart. He knows everything I've got going on right now. He knows I am not strong enough to do it on my own (which I am constantly reminding myself of). So I spent some time hammocking that day and just read and reflected on some scripture.

My heart and mind are still not in perfect condition, but they are doing much better. Sometimes we just have to swallow our pride long enough to admit and confess the junk that we've got going on in our lives. 

I truly believe there is a power in speaking or putting stuff in writing. It makes it so much more real. At that point, you either have to face it or blatantly ignore it. I am finally beginning to face this craziness I have going on in my life right now, and it feels great.

Home Sweet Home

Some of you know that I flew back to Georgia a couple of weeks ago for the Luke Bryan concert (which was awesome!!). I got asked twice on my way back if Texas is where I call home, and I explained that Georgia is where I'm originally from, although I am currently living in Texas.

If you didn't know, Texas thinks they are the best, the bomb.com, the shiz, the greatest, the cream of the crop....well, you get the point. 

It's fine to have state pride. Heck, I'm proud to be from Georgia! And I'll stand by my Dawgs and Falcons even when they're sucking it up...Anyways, I digress. Like I said, it's fine to have state pride, but Texas takes it to a whole new level. Your state can be awesome, but other states can be awesome too...

Honestly, since I first moved out here in 2005, I've had a little bitterness in my heart about it. And because of that reason, I have not wanted to claim Texas as my "home." I just wanted to keep a distance between me and the prideful state I now reside in.

But of course God has been working in my heart in that regard. He showed me that by resisting to accept Texas as one of my homes, I am hindering my desire to do ministry and my ability to do it effectively. 

Think about it...if I take ownership in something, I'm more likely to fight for it, stand up for it, strive to reach it with the gospel. 

Also, the Lord has been showing me that by accepting Texas as my home, that does not mean I'm abandoning Georgia as my home. 

So while Georgia will always be my home, I am finally beginning to accept Texas as my home as well. And I want to...because I want to have a burning desire to reach the community around me. I want to let go of the bitterness I have been holding on to, so that Christ can effectively work through me. 

As a result, I did this little craft project to serve as a reminder of what I am learning:

Is there something you've been holding on to that you need to finally surrender to the Lord?

Felipe and the Gospel

I believe there is power in prayer. So here I am asking you to pray for my new friend Felipe.

 

I met him on my connecting flight from Atlanta to St. Louis on Thursday morning. While I thought it was super silly and out of the way for them to connect me in St. Louis when I needed to get to Dallas, the Lord obviously had a plan for it.

Here's a little about my new friend-he was friendly, and our conversation came easily. I found out he is from Colombia and has been in America with his wife and 3 kids for 13 years now. He is the VP of an organization called Hispanic Unity of Florida that helps Hispanics have better lives (through language and citizenship classes, tax and legal services, small business workshops, and programs for kids and teens).

Lonnnnnnggggggg story short (we talking for the whole hour and 45 minute flight), I got to hear about his life and family, and I got to talk about my mission trips to various countries and what the Lord has taught me through those. Eventually I asked him if he was Catholic because I saw him doing the sign of the Cross as we were taking off. He said yes he was, and our conversation about religion began.

When I made the comment that I was Protestant, he literally asked me, "So what's the difference between what you believe and what I believe?" Um, open door much??

So over the next hour, I explained the Gospel and:

• How we are sinful and therefore do not meet God's standard for entering Heaven
• How Jesus is the ultimate sacrifice for our sins
• That salvation is by faith alone and it is a gracious gift from God
• Sanctification and how we are constantly striving to be more like Christ, and we can only do it by the help of the Holy Spirit
• Why it's important to be plugged in with a body of believers (community, accountability, encouragement, etc.-like many others, he makes it to mass for Christmas and Easter)
• Why we need to read and study the Bible on our own

(I'm sure there was more, but in that moment, you're just rolling with it and trusting that the Lord is guiding what you have to say.)

Words literally were rolling off of my tongue (that was alllllllll God). At one point I paused to take a breath and apologized for just totally going off on a tangent and halfway preaching to him, and he said, "No, keep going." He was super attentive and absorbed in what I was saying. That's when you know the it's the Spirit.

I just can't even explain how awesome it was to get to talk to Felipe and encourage him. 

Through our conversation, he was able to catch a glimpse of the passions the Lord has placed in my heart, and I think he was curious as to how a 22-year-old, American girl could be concerned with more than just herself or social media or partying or popularity. 

I pray that that passion stays alive in my heart. I know there will be ups and downs, but it's nice to be riding the wave for a little bit. 

And once again I implore you to be praying for Felipe. He has such a great position in the Hispanic community down in Fort Lauderdale, and I've been getting excited just thinking about how influential he could be if the Lord got a hold of his life!! If anybody can do it, God can!

Painting the Sky

It has been one of those weeks, in terms of driving in the city. Between getting lost, road rage, parking tickets, and maybe a few bad words, I am sick and tired of driving in and around Dallas, Texas.

My best friend Allee goes to Georgia Tech in Atlanta, so I have driven down there plenty of times to go visit her. Because of these visits and other random trips to Atlanta, I have gotten lost enough to have a pretty good sense of where I'm going when I'm in downtown Atlanta. 

Now here I am in Dallas, and I'm back at square one. It's a whole new set of roads, interstates, and confusing intersections. 

On the way to a friend's house last night, the Lord began to calm my frustration. I looked up, and the sky was beautiful. Here is a small glimpse of what I saw >>>

It seems that whenever I'm having a rough day or week, God displays His creation in ways that continue to blow my mind, in ways that continue to endear me to His heart. 

I think part of it is that I'm also missing the country-having space and seeing stars. Then, get this, I was on the phone late last night, and I saw the longest, most gorgeous shooting star that I have ever seen (obviously I didn't get a picture of that haha).

God, you are too good to me. 

All I can do was smile and thank Him. Yes, things like traffic and missing the country are trivial, but God cares about even the smallest things in our lives. He cares enough to send beautiful clouds and shooting star to remind me that He is sovereign and in control.

In Christ Alone

I've tried to deny it to myself in hopes that it'll make it hurt less, but the fact still remains-I loved him. No, I wasn't head-over-heels in love with him, but I cared for him deeply. I still do. 

My heart can be so overwhelmed with emotions that all I can do is run to my Savior and weep and let Him hold me. 

Anger. Brokenness. Love. Hurt. Disappointment. Longing. Confusion. Bitterness. Hope. A desire to see him grow into the man of God You created him to be. 

All of those emotions are just in regards to my ex-that doesn't even include the rest of my life.

In times like this, the Lord uses things like the song In Christ Alone. It has sort of become the theme song of my life right now. It literally comes on my Pandora all of the time and always right when I need it the most.

Different parts of the song speak to my heart at different times, but one of my favorites says:

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine

Unfortunately, we are human and, therefore, fallible. But to imagine that one day we will be free from the grip of sin....oh! how glorious that will be! In the meantime, "let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us" (Hebrews 12:1).

My heart may be weary, but my Savior is constantly sustaining me. 

Humility and Homesickness

Humility. It really sucks to humble yourself, but it's so necessarily to trust God and have a chance at surviving this thing we call life.

That's the tough lesson I'm learning with my "real-world" job. 

Fortunately, I have a group of friends that are all going through the same exact thing, and it doesn't matter where we work: a seminary, school, hospital, warehouse, marketing firm, ear specialist. We're all having to swallow our pride and say, "Can you help me with this?" or "How does that work again?"

Maybe it's the fact that I'm the firstborn, I like to be independent (except for when I need some gas money from my dad ;] ), or that I just like figure things out on my own, but whatever it is, it's humbling me. To be so overwhelmed with information of how a company works and how they do things. To remember how to do something only to forget three days later. To feel like a constant nag asking for help.

Obviously (and hopefully) that's not how it's perceived, but it takes a while to get over that. The Lord is showing me that it's ok to ask for help, and that it's ok to not have all of the answers. 

Eeek. So there's that. 

Also, Mr. Greg brought me into the kitchen and showed me a cookbook that my family had given Sara Beth for her high school graduation. He said, "If you're ever getting homesick, you can just come look at your mama's handwriting (because she had written a note to Sara in the front)." I had a moment where my eyes welled up, and I missed my mama. 

I'm great at expressing to my friends how much I love them, but my family is a different subject. Why? I don't know. Because I love them dearly-I'm just not always the best at showing that. 

So Mama, I love you and miss you. Actually, I love and miss my whole family.

And for those of you who know me well, it takes a lot for me genuinely feel homesick. It probably only happened a couple of times at college. But that was because I was only an hour away from home. I could go home for dinner one night and be back for class the next morning. I use to tell my parents, "I'm never gone away long enough for me to miss you."

But now I do. I miss them. And I'm thankful for phone calls and text messages and FaceTime that helps make that distance feel a little smaller. Thank you, technology.

May my words fall to the ground

Words can be a powerful tool. That's why some people are able to make a living as motivational speakers. But what happens when words get abused? 

They lose their value. 

This is part of the reason why my heart has been broken and battered over the last 5 years. Fortunately, the Lord has guarded my heart in more ways than I have ever deserved, but I certainly have not left the dating arena unscathed. Because of my desire to be wanted and accepted by the opposite sex, I clung on to the enticing and promising words that were whispered in my ear.

How often do we do this our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ? How often do we praise him with our lips but not our actions? If an outside were to look at our lives on mute, would our actions match up with the lip service we so easily lay at the altar of our Lord?

1 John 3:18 says, "Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." Essentially, our actions speech louder than our words (sound familiar?). 

There's a reason why Jesus became a man to die on the cross for us and raise from the dead three days later...He was backing His love up with action. 

Certain boys have made me weary of trusting what comes from from guys' mouths because their actions did not back up their words. 

Along the same lines, I do not want to be the type of Christian whose words and actions do not line up, thus hindering a brother or sister in Christ from growing or a non-Christian from coming to know the Lord.


I do not write this because I have perfected this area of my walk with Christ. Rather, I write this as an accountability to myself as well as my fellow brothers and sisters.

The Lone Star State

And so it begins. I am officially living and working in Dallas, Texas. Honestly, it doesn't feel real. It feels like I am just in town visiting, like I have done so many times before. But it is....I'm here, and I'm having to trust the Lord is ways I've never had to before. 

I love <<<<this picture because it so adequately demonstrates where I am in my life right now...by myself. It's me and the Lord. And I find it fitting that I have moved to the Lone Star state.

Now don't get me wrong-the Lord has surrounded me with people that have come alongside me and have joined me in this journey. The Hattebergs have graciously taken me into their home. The Kannes have adopted me as one of their own. Jill and Daniel and Lauren and Sara and Drew and Michael and Erin and Rosalee and Ryan have all helped make my move a little easier. 

So no, I'm not completely alone, but there are parts of this journey that I must venture into alone. When I feel homesick, miss the community I had at Shorter, or long to be in the presence of my family, my Texan friends cannot completely relate to that. They realize that while I am ecstatic to be with them again, my move is not going to be free of heartache, and I appreciate that. 

My last chapter ended with many tears and hugs and "See you laters." Now I am looking forward to all of the adventures and spiritual growth that is sure to come. Let this new chapter begin!