Scraped Palms

I've been running in circles,
But I can't seem to break the pattern. 
I grow tired of the scenery,
Yet I can't peel my eyes away.
In a moment of distraction,
I lose my footing,
And my palms are scraped from breaking my fall.
I consider remaining on the ground
And taking a break from it all.
Then I realize how counterproductive that would be.
Do I really want to sit in the midst of that which I am trying to escape?
No.
I pick myself up
And continue on.
I brush off my hands
And have to realize that my wounds will not heal immediately. 
I lift my eyes
In hopes of finding a new path in front of me,
Knowing it will come it due time.
While this circular path is growing old, and a bit tiresome,
I still notice new things each time around.
The scrapes on my hands sting.
My lungs burn with every breath,
And my feet pound with every step.
As I push on,
My mind and body are learning endurance, if nothing else.
Endurance and perseverance. 

Finding Rest

It's hard to work 50-60 hours a week and still maintain a good workout schedule and some semblance of a social life, not to mention my spiritual life. November was good, as was most of December.

But then Christmastime came. It seemed like I was working and traveling and working some more. That's when I realized that I'm tired. My body just can't keep up the pace that I could those first couple of months of working two jobs. 

I have forgotten was rest looks like. 

Rest (for me) looks like taking off of work on Thursdays, so that I can have at least one day a week to just spend time with the Lord, rejuvenate, and catch up on all my TV shows I've missed during the week. As the weather gets better, I will be doing my devotionals outside in my hammock again. So Thursdays are becoming my "sabbath." 

One verse that always stands out to me is in Mark 6:31, which says, "Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, He said to them, 'Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest'" (NIV). 

Basically, the disciples were all excited about what the Lord had been doing through them. In the midst of everything going on, the disciples didn't even get a chance to eat, so Jesus told them to retreat with Him to a quiet place and rest. 

Did you hear that? Jesus told them to rest. It wasn't a question. 

The disciples hopped on a boat to head to get some rest. On the other side of the Sea of Galilee, there was a crowd of over 5,000 people waiting to hear or see or touch Jesus. Granted, the disciples might not have gotten as much rest as they wanted, but once they took a little time to themselves, the Lord continued to use them in powerful ways as they helped pass out food to 5,000+ men, women, and children. 

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in always going going going that I don't give myself a chance to rest. If I'm spending all of my time working hard and loving people, that means I'm being effective, right? 

Wrong. 

If we are constantly pouring out into other people and things, we will quickly get drained. David had something to say about that in Psalm 23:1-6 "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows" (ESV).

Don't just skim over that passage because you grew up hearing it in Sunday school. Read over it one more time (for real, it's right there-just go do it.)

The Lord makes me lie down-that would imply rest. It's in those moments of rest that He restores our souls. Our God is so good. If we rest in Him, He will show us how to live righteously, we don't have to fear evil, we will be comforted, and we will be filled to the point of overflowing. 

It's out of that overflow that we are able to serve effectively (because it's Christ through us, not our own talent and ability).

I'm not Superwoman, but I'm not supposed to be either. While no one ever told me I had to be, I placed that burden on myself. I have this mindset of, "Let's work as hard as I can to work   to pay of my student loans and hopefully start saving for some better camera equipment." But that doesn't need to be done right. this. moment. And I need to be ok with that. 

So I'm going to take my Thursdays off and use that as a time of connection with the Lord and rejuvenation. 

PS-Can spring weather get here because I am ready to hammock and not freeze my butt off!!

2014

Yes, it's January 2nd, but I honestly have not even had time to think about my New Year's resolutions until now. Knowing that everybody gets sooooo excited about the new year, makes a ton a resolutions, and inevitably fails to maintain those resolutions throughout the year almost turns me off from making New Year's resolutions at all. I don't want to be one of those people that stops going to the gym in March. 

But I heard a pastor say that the new year is a time of "natural transition," so taking this time to make resolutions is instinctive. After all, we are the only ones responsible for whether or not we stick to those resolutions.

I obviously know what I resolution is, but I wanted to get more to the root of the word becaues so often we take that word lightly. So here goes: 

 re·solve

  verb (used with object)

  to come to a definite or earnest decision

And I love the word "earnest," so I looked that up too:

    ear·nest     

        adjective

        serious in intention, purpose, or effort; sincerely zealous

Oh, "zealous"-that's another good word!

              zeal·ous

    adjective

              ardently active, devoted, or diligent

                  Synonyms: enthusiastic,eager, fervid, fervent, intense, passionate, warm. 

                  Antonyms: apathetic; lackadaisical.

When you bring all of those definitions together, you get that a resolution is to resolve to do something, which means to make a decision to sincerely be devoted or diligent to something. Those are a lot of strong words. It's not just, "Hey, it's New Year's! Let's think of some fun things to do until I get tired of doing them." 

So this year I am choosing to make resolutions that I can (and will) accomplish. That's how my dad always taught us to do our resolutions. He said to make sure they are: 

• attainable (obviously I'm not going to resolve to make a million dollars this year-that just ain't happenin')

• measurable (I can say "I want to be more awesome this year"-how would you know if I was or not?? You can't measure that...)

• realistic (I may want to memorize Scripture, and although memorizing the entire Bible is attainable, it's not very realistic for me. That's when you just have to scale things back a little bit)

With this in mind, I shall begin my resolutions list.

• Finish paying off my student loans
• Memorize Romans 8 and Philippians 4
• Get plugged into a church in Dallas
• Figure out what the heck I am supposed to do for my taxes (time to put on my big girl panties, ughhhhh)
• Start keeping a budget instead of just spending money whenever I have it
• Keep receipts for Catchlight [by Courtney.] for travel expenses
• Don't get overwhelmed or cynical by everyone getting engaged/married around me, but continue in prayer for those couples and be happy for them
• Don't rush into a relationship because of loneliness
• Intentionally love on the people around me (either by texts or letters or hanging out)
• Find a resolution accountability partner-someone who is going to check up on me and will make sure I'm sticking to the goals I set

2013 was full of adventure, so I can't wait for this next year. 

Let 2014 begin!!